More Downers

Since this is my place to vent and I shouldn't care what anyone else thinks I'll push aside the guilt that I feel about complaining about my life that in all reality is much much better than a lot of people's.

SO here goes:

I am now dealing with what seems to be presenting itself as a newer yet easier to deal with version of the anxiety/panic that I thought was gone from life as of 2+ years ago.

I'm taking this miracle cure for my adult acne and except for my extremely dry lips and thus constant need for lotion and chapstick - It's working! BUT I think that my physiological balance us very easily upset. I am hoping that the Accutane is the culprit for my quasi-panic attacks that I am now having especially when I go outside when the temperature is above 80.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I am SO FRUSTRATED. Why is nothing easy for me? Am I abnormal in having to deal with these frustrations in my life? Or is this normal - as in other people have just as many issues except maybe of a different variety?

I realize that I am having a hard time when H is at work on weekends after being used to having him home. It sucks to keep myself occupied when my best friend is not home with no sign of any friends in the close vicinity. Everyone here are a whole different breed that I just don't relate to . It sucks. What is up with the people here?

I know H's schedule will change with time but maybe my psyche doesn't at the moment and that's why I am having these attacks.

The other cause of these may be that we are very uncertain of our near future. We decided not to renew our lease and go month-to-month. We're serious about moving to FL but the job for H is so up in the air - he has about 10 different possible scenarios that could present themselves in the next month or so.

I'm am an ISTJ and I that means I'm a planner and like to get things done -like life. I want to get on with it. I hate all this waiting and wondering. I know God has a plan and when I look back on other times in my life where I was "lost" I see his hand in it so clearly - it's amazing. That is the faith that I cling to. Everything happens for a reason and I know He uses life things that are thrown at us in this fallen world for His glory - to show us that ultimately HE is in control. Not us. Not me! Amen to that. If I was in control I know I wouldn't be where I am now. I would be in a much much much worse place. I always think I know best. And I do. But not more than God does. :)

PS - H is an ESTJ which is why we are a perfect fit for one another : ) :) :)